


The Loss of the Sun

by wafflesandkruge



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, I thought this was gonna happen for real okay, Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 05:30:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19882429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesandkruge/pseuds/wafflesandkruge
Summary: Julian thought he'd saved Emma when he dragged her back in the form of a Nephilim. What if it was only a temporary reprieve that some benevolent being had granted, what if Julian hadn't brought her back for good?





	The Loss of the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Started this right after I read qoaad, but never really got around to really work on it, so I'm not quite sure if it feels completely finished. But I'm unlikely to really work on it more, so here ya go.

“Let us burn.”

Julian didn’t linger on the fact that this was far from the Emma he knew. Nor on the fact that golden flame started licking the ends of her hair, the tips of his fingers. He clutched her harder and  _ pulled _ on their bond, letting the fire rise and consume them until it brushed the sky. 

* * *

Tavvy reached out his arms, the way he’d done countless times before. “Jules, carry me. I’m tired. I want to go home.”

There was a moment where Dru feared the worst, but then Julian slowly reached out with his massive hands, bleeding heavenly fire all the while. There was a bright flash of light, and when Dru blinked it away, she saw Julian and Emma, back to their normal size and no longer radiant. A small puddle of gold light glowed under them, then slowly faded from sight. 

They both lay crumpled on the ground, so still that Dru initially feared the worst. Then she saw Julian move. Their hands were laced together, and as she watched, he pulled on her arm, either to pull her closer or to drag himself to her. Even from this distance, she could hear her brother’s broken sobs and whispers. 

“Emma. Emma, come back. Please.”

Dru dropped to her knees as she realized what had happened. Behind her, she heard Christina cry out in grief, Helen’s quiet sobs. Emma Carstairs, the golden sun to Julian’s quiet moon, was no more.

* * *

They woke Julian for the funeral against the wishes of the Silent Brothers attending to him. Helen knew he would never forgive them if they let him miss it. Physically speaking, he looked awful. His posture was slumped, defeated. He refused to talk to anyone, not even his siblings who visited whenever they could. His face was exhausted, devoid of hope. For someone who had just won a war, he looked like he might as well have lost it.

The funeral was in two hours, and Julian showed no sign of moving from his bed. Helen sighed and entered the room. He didn’t look up.

“Julian, if you wish to attend, you must start getting ready. Your mourning clothes are i n the closet.” The same ones from Livvy’s funeral. 

He didn’t respond. Didn’t so much as look in her direction. 

Helen tried a different tactic. “Even if you choose not to go, it will happen. Surely you don’t want to miss it.”

“It?” Helen flinched at the raw mirth and sorrow in his raspy voice. “It? Emma is dead. You might as well say it. It won’t change a thing.”

“Yes.” The single syllable was bitter in her mouth. “Emma is...no longer with us. Don’t you want to say goodbye?”

He laughed and sat up to face her. His eyes blazed furiously and Helen was reminded of seeing him filled with heavenly fire. Terrifying. Otherworldly.

“You don’t understand. I feel- I don’t feel- Emma was my sun. My world revolved around her, everyday, every moment. And now, I’m lost. Adrift. I feel like any second now, she’ll waltz through that door and everything will be fine. But she won’t.”

Helen reached out helplessly. “Julian-”

“She was already dying in my arms. Then I had to go and pull her back, and we were vessels filled with heavenly fire, if only for the sake of someone else’s direction. It killed her.  _ I _ killed her.”

“Oh honey-” Helen crossed the room quickly and wrapped her arms around Julian. He was stiff at first, then leaned into her as his body shook with silent sobs. She ran her hands through his dark curls comfortingly. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure Emma knew what was happening and willingly went along. She won the battle for us. She’s a hero.”

* * *

Her folded hands gripped Cortana. Jem had refused the sword when the Blackthorns offered, saying it should stay with her. 

* * *

A week passes by in a blur. Helen runs the Institute while Aline is out and she wisely gives him space. His attention is constantly being drawn to the dead phone on his desk, specifically, what it still held. The Black Book of the Dead. 


End file.
